Lies

This study shows children who are lied to by their parents, lie back to their parents later in life.

Adults who reported being lied to more as children, were more likely to report lying to their parents in their adulthood. They also said they faced greater difficulty in meeting psychological and social challenges. Adjustment difficulties include disruptiveness, conduct problems, experience of guilt and shame, as well as selfish and manipulative character…

The first questionnaire asked participants to recall if their parents told them lies that related to eating; leaving and/or staying; children’s misbehaviour; and spending money. Some examples of such lies are “If you don’t come with me now, I will leave you here by yourself” and “I did not bring money with me today, we can come back another day.”

“Authority assertion over children is a form of psychological intrusiveness, which may undermine children’s sense of autonomy and convey rejection, ultimately undermining children’s emotional well-being. Future research should examine the nature of the lies and goals of the parents so that researchers can suggest what kind of lies to avoid, and what kind of truth-telling parents should engage in.”

The relationship between authoritarianism and lying is well-understood. Authoritarians lie. My trainer reminded us to be “always authoritative, never authoritarian.”

Fibber Island

Children know when you’re fibbing, and they don’t like it.

Stanford researchers found that children as young as 4 years old, under certain conditions, can discern “sins of omission” – misleading but technically accurate information. The researchers found that the order in which information is presented makes a dramatic difference for the study’s youngest participants.

The Opposite Of The Intended Effect

Why is it that giving children praise for being smart promotes dishonesty?

…Noting previous research which shows ability praise can undermine a child’s motivation to learn when they encounter difficulties, University of California San Diego Professor Gail Heyman, co-author of the studies, said, “Our findings show that the negative effects of ability praise extend beyond this to promoting dishonesty, and that this occurs in children as young as three years of age.”

Montessori discovered that besides having unpredictable effects, praise is an unnecessary distraction. The child is motivated from within.